EP21 Clinical Demonstration 01 - Using the Initiator-Inquirer Process to Build Developmental Capacities in Your Clients - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Couples say they want better communication often without having the developmental capacities to bring about what they so desperately desire. The Initiator-Inquirer Process can be used to increase clients' capacity for empathy, self-definition and giving when it is not convenient.

Learning Objectives

1. Delineate 2 roles that increase communication when couples are emotionally triggered.

2. Demonstrate how to support partners in effectively initiating a topic that matters to them

3. Review the continuum of empathy development

Outline:

Introduction & Overview

• Dr. Ellen Bader, clinical psychologist and co-founder of the Couples Institute.

• Session focus: "Initiator-Inquirer Process" to enhance differentiation and communication in couples therapy.

Initiator-Inquirer Process Setup

• Couples agree to structured roles: one partner initiates, the other inquires.

• Process begins with clear role definitions and visual reminders.

• Purpose: to encourage self-discovery and improve emotional capacities in communication.

Roles & Responsibilities

• Initiator: Introduces the issue, expresses feelings clearly, and reflects on deeper emotions.

• Inquirer: Actively listens, empathizes, asks questions to understand initiator’s perspective without personalizing or reacting defensively.

• Goal: Both partners build self-reflection, self-soothing, and emotional resilience skills.

Common Challenges & Therapist Intervention

• Issues like blaming, multiple simultaneous concerns, or defensiveness often arise.

• Therapist guides the conversation, provides structure, and models effective inquiry and empathy.

• Aim: To achieve emotional calmness and deeper understanding between partners.

Demonstration Example

• Video illustrates a couple working through financial conflicts.

• Demonstrates how questioning and empathy reveal underlying emotions (resentment, anxiety).

• Therapist’s role: facilitating honesty, emotional depth, and productive dialogue.

Evaluating Couples’ Readiness

• Couples must commit to internal change and have clear goals for improvement.

• Therapists evaluate readiness by assessing the couple’s ability to reflect and manage tension.

• Structured sessions create a safe environment for deeper discussions.

Addressing Deeper Emotions

• For clients who struggle to access deeper feelings, use guided questions or structured tools (e.g., worksheets, card decks).

• Begin with less threatening topics to gradually approach deeper emotional issues.

• Technique adaptable for various relationships, including business partners or family members.

Conclusion & Practical Q&A

• Process highlighted as foundational for many couples interventions.

• Dr. Bader addresses participant questions on evaluating readiness, handling superficial engagement, and adapting the process for various relationships.

• Key takeaways: Empathy, self-awareness, structured communication are crucial for successful relationships.