CC22 Workshop 08 - Couple Sensitive Individual Therapy - William Doherty, PhD

Most clinical conversations about couple relationship problems occur in individual therapy, not couples therapy. But individual therapy models offer little guidance for how to address relationship problems. The result is that therapists sometimes collude with their client’s view of the partner and offer one-sided narratives of complex relational problems. This doesn’t help the client and can undermine the relationship. Even couples therapists sometimes make the same mistakes when doing individual therapy. This workshop will provide specific tools and guidelines for helping individual clients in the context of their relationship, while avoiding common traps when we are seeing just one member of a couple.

Learning Objectives:

1. Identify warning signs that the therapy isn’t couple sensitive, including attributing negative intentions to the absent partner and expressing pessimism that the partner can change

2. Describe strategies to avoid reflexively siding with the client’s view of the relationship.

3. Discuss techniques to support the clients' personal therapy goals while supporting their important relationships

Outline:

• What Is Couple Sensitive Individual Therapy (CSI)?

  • CSI addresses relationship issues within individual therapy without turning it into couples therapy.

  • Therapists are encouraged to stay mindful of how their work impacts the client’s partner and the relationship.

• Why CSI Matters

  • Partners are often an “invisible third party” in therapy.

  • Many therapists lack training in handling couples-related issues, leading to harmful advice or bias.

  • Common mistake: diagnosing a partner without ever meeting them.

• Risks of Poor Practice

  • Couple-insensitive therapy can damage otherwise viable relationships.

  • Research shows that undermining comments from therapists correlate with negative relationship outcomes.

• Key CSI Skills and Strategies

  • Empathize without taking sides.

  • Paraphrase neutrally and explore the client’s role in problems.

  • Avoid pathologizing the partner; instead, explore relational dynamics.

• Best Practices

  • Occasionally invite the partner (or others like a parent) into a session as a support, not as a client.

  • Use such sessions to gain context, not to make relationship decisions.

• Therapy Demonstration

  • Example shown of a therapist helping a client own her role in a conflict and foster vulnerability.

• Handling Difficult Situations

  • When prior therapists have caused harm, help clients focus on their own intentions and growth.

  • Avoid reenacting past traumas or victim-blaming.

  • Normalize behavior patterns and explore their impact.

• Discernment Counseling

  • Used for couples on the brink of separation to clarify whether to continue together or part ways.

  • Involves structured individual sessions to restore progress without mixing therapy types.

• Transition to Individual Work

  • If a couple separates, it’s often better to refer each partner to different therapists.

  • Ensure clear boundaries: a therapist who served both should not become one partner’s ongoing individual therapist.

• Managing Individual Therapy Alongside Couples Therapy

  • Always check if clients are in individual therapy.

  • Avoid having two therapists work on the same issue, which can complicate progress.

• Working with Co-Parents

  • Be cautious not to damage co-parenting relationships.

  • Avoid taking sides post-divorce and consider the full context before judging a co-parent’s actions.

• Closing Thoughts

  • Read the recommended article in Family Process for more insights (available publicly).

  • Speakers thank participants and encourage continued learning in this area.