Introduction and Initial Engagement
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Speaker 1 welcomes participants from various regions and asks them to share their location and RLT familiarity.
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Participants introduce themselves and backgrounds in Relational Life Therapy (RLT).
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Terry Real introduces himself as founder of the Relational Life Institute and gives an overview of its training programs.
Overview of Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
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RLT differs from traditional therapy by addressing both shame (one-down) and grandiosity (one-up).
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Focuses on helping clients achieve real intimacy by rebalancing power dynamics.
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Emphasizes internal “healthy self-esteem” rather than external validation.
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Therapists form alliances with the client’s best self and use leverage to drive change.
Phases of RLT and Trauma Work
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Three phases: waking up the client, joining through the truth, and skill-building.
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Workshop focuses on phase two: deep trauma work with the partner present.
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Aims for deep character change, not just behavior change.
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Utilizes the tripart brain model: wise adult, wounded child, and adaptive child.
Understanding Trauma and Adaptive Children
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Trauma responses are automatic, rooted in relived past experiences.
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The adaptive child is a rigid, reactive version of the adult self.
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Goal is to shift from the adaptive child’s reactions to the wise adult’s choices.
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Encourages emotional regulation, self-awareness, and taking breaks.
Joining Through the Truth and Empathic Reversal
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Therapists join with the client’s wise adult to confront truths with warmth.
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"Empathic reversal": clients have more empathy for caregivers than themselves—this is reversed in therapy.
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Work involves building compassion for the wounded child and accountability for the adaptive child.
Case Study: Liz, the Rager
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Liz modeled her rage after her mother; work focuses on healing her teenage self.
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Rage is reframed as a survival tool, not a character flaw.
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Liz builds a relationship with her adaptive child and learns containment.
Case Study: David, the Sex Addict
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David idealized his father and replicated unhealthy relational patterns.
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Therapy helps him grieve and separate from his father’s influence.
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He develops a more mature identity, learning both independence and self-regulation.
Q&A and Additional Insights
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Speaker 1 answers questions on trauma access, partner understanding, relapse, and working with parents.
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Emphasizes staying relational, simple, and responsive to clients.