Introduction and Workshop Theme
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Michelle Weiner Davis introduces “Divorce Busting Do’s and Don’ts.”
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Shares a personal story about her father's positive outlook and invites audience interaction.
Background and Philosophy
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Describes her long-term marriage as her biggest personal accomplishment.
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Passionate about helping couples stay together from a practical, not moral or religious, stance.
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Notes many divorces are preventable and rooted in solvable issues.
Professional Journey and Ericksonian Influence
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Initially struggled with traditional therapy models.
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Inspired by Milton Erickson’s creative use of client obstacles.
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Studied with Steve DeShazer and developed a solution-focused approach.
Impact of Divorce and Personal Drive
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Parents' divorce at age 16 deeply affected her.
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Motivated to help others avoid unnecessary separation and make marriages work.
Recognizing Therapist Bias and Hopelessness
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Encourages therapists to examine what makes them feel hopeless with clients.
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Stresses that hope is essential and therapists must model it.
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Warns against therapists making early judgments about the viability of a marriage.
Divorce Busting Guidelines
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Avoid early questions about commitment or giving permission to leave (unless abuse is present).
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Don’t allow extended venting without redirection.
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Stay neutral and avoid bias; focus on teaching effective communication.
Case Example: Workaholic Husband
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Helps uncover deeper intentions behind distancing behaviors.
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Uses questioning to identify marriage-preserving motivations.
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Focuses on areas of potential and strengths in the relationship.
Therapy Structure and Resources
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Offers advanced trainings and marriage education kits.
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Encourages ongoing contact with attendees for follow-up and support.
Power of Small Changes
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Small, consistent actions (like doing chores) can rebuild connection.
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Only one partner changing their behavior can shift the entire relationship.
Managing Conflict and Polarization
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Splitting polarized couples in therapy can prevent escalation.
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Real change often starts with one motivated partner.
Effective Communication and Real Giving
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Teach couples to meet each other’s needs, not just express their own.
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Use love language insights to guide “real giving” in relationships.
Normalizing Difficult Experiences
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Normalize blended family stress, infidelity, and emotional upheaval.
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Shift focus from reactivity to solution-oriented action.
Building Client Strength and Resilience
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Help clients reframe setbacks and see their own resilience.
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Use strengths-focused techniques to restore confidence and motivation.
Therapist Role and Connection
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Authentic therapist presence matters more than techniques.
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Small gestures (calls, follow-ups) strengthen the therapeutic bond.
Therapists’ Personal Integrity
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Therapists should walk their talk—healthy personal relationships matter.
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Emotional cutoffs limit capacity to model connection for clients.
Final Reflections
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Be authentic, hopeful, and client-centered.
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Focus on feedback, resilience, and meeting clients where they are.
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Emphasize relationship health and the therapist’s caring presence.
