BT10 Workshop 34 - The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy: Integrating Attachment, Differentiation and Neuroscience in Couples Therapy - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Description:

Using a developmental lens is powerful to lead couples to make sustained change. Learn to use developmental principles to assess what is wrong and to direct your treatment decisions. Videotapes and clinical case examples will be used throughout the workshop to demonstrate how to promote development in hostile and conflict avoidant couples.

Educational Objectives:

1. Delineate 5 stages of couples’ development.
2. List 3 methods of managing sessions along a productive course.
3. Describe how to utilize neuroscience findings to interrupt hostility in angry couples.  

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline

Introduction and Audience Engagement

• The session introduces a developmental framework for couples therapy, integrating attachment, differentiation, and neuroscience.
• Audience engagement includes a video, preferences for learning styles, and reflection on real cases.

Developmental Model Overview

• The model, developed in 1984, outlines relational stages: bonding, differentiation, exploration, reconnection, and synergy.
• Helps therapists guide couples from stuck places toward growth by addressing individual struggles and developmental needs.

Attachment Theory in Practice

• Attachment styles (secure, anxious-insecure, avoidant, disorganized) influence how partners connect and respond to stress.
• Understanding styles allows therapists to tailor interventions based on emotional needs and regulation strategies.

Conflict-Avoidant and Hostile-Dependent Couples

• Conflict-avoidant couples suppress differences to maintain harmony; hostile-dependent couples express pain through aggression.
• Recognizing these patterns informs appropriate therapeutic approaches.

Gender and Therapist-Client Dynamics

• Therapists are encouraged to build rapport with the less expressive partner (often male) and reduce feelings of blame.
• Comfort and safety foster emotional expression and reduce defensiveness.

Neuroscience and Emotional Regulation

• Introduces Dan Siegel’s brain model and the "ouch" technique to identify and soothe emotional triggers.
• Emotional regulation supports bonding and productive conflict resolution.

Differentiation and Self-Definition

• Differentiation involves sharing vulnerable parts of oneself and self-regulating during partner disclosure.
• A “disco ball” metaphor illustrates the multidimensional nature of identity in relationships.

Case Study: Meg and John

• Demonstrates how past trauma, anger, and avoidance play out in couple dynamics.
• Therapy focuses on helping partners express underlying pain and take emotional risks.

Self-Disclosure and Avoidance

• Clients often struggle with vulnerability due to shame or past wounds.
• Therapists help reframe difficult conversations, supporting both partners in expressing and hearing emotional truths.

Pornography and Emotional Avoidance

• One client’s pornography use is explored as a coping mechanism for unresolved grief.
• Partner understanding and trust are rebuilt through differentiation and empathy.

Differentiation-Based Techniques

• Therapists use guided questions to help partners explore each other's emotions non-defensively.
• Techniques deepen emotional connection and encourage tender self-disclosure.

Individual Work and Integration

• Individual sessions may address grief or trauma contributing to couple distress.
• Therapists assess the “identified patient” dynamic and integrate referrals as needed.

Closing and Final Demonstration

• A final video shows transformation in a high-conflict couple using differentiation-based methods.
• Emphasizes practice, emotional regulation, and openness as essential tools for growth.