CC04 WS10 - Relational Recovery Therapy: A Radical New Approach to Intimacy Problems - Terry Real, LICSW

Description:

This workshop introduces participants to the fundamentals of Rei Rec Tx - a radically new approach to couples therapy. The workshop will follow the phases of treatment: empowering the woman; connecting the man; relational diagnosis; dealing with pre-requisites for intimacy; describing a new vision of love; learning relational skills; amplifying progress and building a relational subculture. This workshop looks closely at the art of therapeutic truth-telling.

Educational Objectives:

1. To define "relational integrity."
2. To describe the relevance of scanning for addictions to couples work.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Relational Recovery Therapy: Communication Tips

• Contract for conversations instead of “dumping” issues.

• Reassure men conversations will be manageable.

• Teach men to ask which listening role is needed (problem-solver, empath, etc.).

• Help men engage in intimacy without feeling overwhelmed.

Understanding Men’s Behavior and Motivation

• It’s okay if men start making changes to please their partners—praise helps build motivation.

• Intimacy itself becomes the reward over time.

• Becoming intimate is a gradual process, like re-entering Earth’s atmosphere.

Chronic Dysfunction and Emotional Skill Building

• Dysfunction often stems from both skill deficits and indulgence.

• Teach men to name and express their feelings.

• Therapy must address both emotional incompetence and the belief they don’t need to change.

Readiness for Intimacy and Self-Medication

• Intimacy requires a sober, emotionally safe space.

• “Misery stabilizers” (e.g., substances, affairs) block intimacy.

• These issues must be resolved before rebuilding the relationship.

Skill Training and Gendered Communication

• Teach both partners to communicate needs and emotions effectively.

• Men learn to bring thoughts and feelings to the table.

• Women learn how to assert needs in ways likely to succeed.

• Transmission-reception work focuses on sharing and receiving change.

Victimhood, Responsibility, and Grandiosity

• Reality-test victim narratives to uncover truth vs. distortion.

• Help women move from victimhood to self-responsibility.

• Address grandiosity in both partners as a barrier to connection.

Creating Relational Support Systems

• Build a relational subculture (groups, mentors, recovery circles) around the couple.

• Encourage participants to give back and support others.

• Normalize ongoing relational growth and mutual support.

Sexual Trauma and Power Rebalancing

• Survivors need full control over sexual boundaries.

• Partners must be educated on trauma’s effects and approach intimacy with patience.

• Trauma work may include EMDR, medication, or bodywork.

• Goal: empower survivors and support safe connection.

Redefining Intimacy and Passion

• Non-patriarchal love means valuing mutual repair and real connection over perfection.

• Intimacy isn’t about escaping flaws—it’s about working through them.

• Introduce the idea of “normal marital hatred” to normalize ups and downs.

Ending Love Dependency and Enabling

• Treat love dependency like self-medication: teach self-care and boundaries.

• Encourage assertiveness and healthy leverage.

• Address both the under-functioning and over-functioning parts of dysfunctional behavior.