CC07 Workshop 03 - Creative Confrontation in Couples Therapy - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Description:

While confrontation is often the best way to help clients examine their contribution to a problem, many therapists feels anxious about the tension aroused during confrontation. Leam to employ confrontation in couples work with special emphasis on matching the intensity of the confrontation- gentle to tough- with the level of impasse. The focus will be on how to select what to confront, when to confront, and how to build a confrontation over time. You will leave this session with a firmer grasp of the attitude and posture necessary to use confrontation more effectively in your work.

Educational Objectives:

1. To identify two untenable behaviors requiring confrontation in couples therapy.
2. To describe a repetitive cycle of confrontation that can occur in every session.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline 

Introduction & Purpose

• Ellen Bader introduces creative confrontation in therapy, focusing on tone, facial expression, and timing.
• Personal story highlights a failed confrontation and lessons learned.
• Workshop emphasizes audience participation and practical application.

Confrontation Examples: Failure & Success

• Bad confrontation story: fatigue, countertransference, and missteps led to client withdrawal.
• Video of successful, gentle confrontation addressing anger and family patterns.
• Importance of gradual, skillful confrontation to create change.

Therapy Blueprint & Confrontation’s Role

• Effective couples therapy requires:
  • Strong start
  • Goal setting
  • Changing negative patterns
  • Skill development
• Couples therapy framed as "therapy of confrontation" for the session.
• Confrontation helps clients face discrepancies between actions and relationship goals.

Reasons & Challenges for Confrontation

• Why confront? To break loops, challenge assumptions, increase motivation, and de-escalate abuse.
• Risks: fear of being wrong, destabilizing the couple, taking sides, bad timing.

Types of Confrontation

• Six types outlined:
  • Soft
  • Empathic
  • Gentle but tough
  • Indirect
  • Hard
  • Bombshell
• Examples show how to escalate confrontation intensity when needed.

Building Confrontation Gradually

• Start soft, increase based on client response.
• Use indirect techniques to reduce defensiveness.
• Hard confrontations increase anxiety to break through denial.
• Bombshells (e.g., rehab recommendation) grab attention when necessary.

Advanced Techniques & Tools

• Use of silence, sighing, and reframing for impact.
• Offering clients a “choice of pain” shifts accountability.
• Asking permission builds buy-in for tough confrontations.

Exercises & Role Play

• Participants practice crafting soft, empathic, indirect, and hard confrontations.
• Focus on the common client phrase: “I just want to be loved for who I am.”

Video Analysis & Confronting Symbiosis

• Video of Pete Bader confronting emotional contagion and symbiosis.
• Encourages partners to create space for individual growth.

Confronting Aggression & Passivity

• Case study: passive-aggressive partner confronted about buried anger.
• Acknowledgment of anger leads to behavioral change.

Client Reflection & Impact

• Client letter highlights the long-term transformative power of confrontation in therapy.
• Closing remarks emphasize confrontation’s importance in creating real change.