CC11 Workshop 01 – The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy: Integrating Attachment, Differentiation and Neuroscience in Couples Therapy - Ellyn Bader, PhD

Description:

Using a developmental lens is powerful to lead couples to make sustained change. Learn to use developmental principles to assess what is wrong and to direct your treatment decisions. Recognize arrested differentiation and see differentiation in action. Videotapes and clinical case examples will be used throughout the workshop to demonstrate how to promote development in hostile and conflict avoidant couples.

Educational Objectives:

1. Delineate 5 stages of couples development.
2. Integrate neuroscience findings into couples therapy to interrupt hostility in angry couples.
3. Demonstrate differentiation in action during couples sessions.
4. istinguish differentiation from individuation/autonomy and explain why this matters in effective treatment.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline 

Workshop Introduction

• Focus: Integrating attachment theory, differentiation, and neuroscience in couples therapy.
• Participants encouraged to follow along with handouts.
• Opening discussion: How to assess a couple’s developmental stage and coping mechanisms.

Common Couples Communication Issues

• Communication problems often mask deeper developmental challenges.
• Emphasis on thinking developmentally and interrupting negative cycles.
• Quote from Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Relationships are a continuous process of self-birth.
• Successful therapy requires a solid model, therapist strength, and conviction.

Attachment Theory Overview

• Based on Bowlby and Ainsworth’s research.
• Three primary patterns: secure, insecure, anxious-avoidant.
• Early attachment impacts adult relationship dynamics, especially under stress.

Margaret Mahler’s Psychological Birth Model

• Stages: Symbiosis → Differentiation → Separation-Individuation.
• Couples mirror these stages—falling in love, differentiating, individuating.
• Rapprochement stage: Balancing closeness and independence.
• Developing libidinal object constancy is key to long-term connection.

Applying Developmental Stages in Couples Therapy

• Couples must choose to be together and face differentiation challenges.
• Mutually interdependent (synergistic) relationships are the goal.

Using Tools and Client Engagement

• Stepping Stones to Intimacy handout normalizes stages and sparks reflection.
• Therapist’s leadership is critical for guiding developmental progress.
• A video session demonstrates the model in action with a couple facing financial and addiction struggles.

Neuroscience and Coping Mechanisms

• Amygdala-driven self-protection (dueling amygdalas) often fuels fights.
• Calming strategies prevent further emotional damage during conflict.
• Exercise: Identify personal self-protective behaviors and underlying vulnerabilities.

Developing Effective Coping and Setting Goals

• Group brainstorm: Effective coping (deep breathing, humor, direct requests).
• Participants write down their personal goals to improve coping mechanisms.

Final Thoughts & Resources

• Further learning via speaker’s blog and website.
• Therapists encouraged to adapt workshop materials to their practice.
• Video replay shows the couple’s progress and final therapist interventions.
• Closing reminder: Differentiation is challenging but essential for both partners.