CC15 Keynote 01 – A New Way to Think About Couples – Harville Hendrix, PhD and Helen Lakelly Hunt, PhD

Description:

In the old way of thinking, couples were depicted as a communication system that could be improved with relational skills or as interacting psychopathologies needing treatment by a mental health professional. In the new way of thinking, couples are a system of mutually reinforcing interactions that create anxiety or safety, wounding or healing. They also are the source of culture and the fulcrum of social transformation. What happens in the couple happens in the culture; what happens in the culture happens in the couple. This lecture will show how the shift from a pathological unit to healing agency occurred; discuss the features of an optimal relationship, and describe the therapeutic process. We will also introduce a global movement, Relationships First, with a mission to show scientifically the essential relationship between healthy couples and a healthy society and to establish “relationship” as a primary cultural value.

Educational Objectives:

1. Discuss the historical shift of role of couples in culture.
2. Describe the core features of an optimal relationship.
3. Document the positive impact of healthy couples on society.
4. Initiate a dialogical conversation with a couple.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Historical & Cultural Shifts in Couplehood

• • Couplehood has evolved over 200 years—from arranged to romantic partnerships.

  • We’re now entering the “age of connection,” focused on emotional intimacy and mutual growth.

  • Modern relationships are shaped by cultural shifts, individualism, and scientific thinking.

• Conscious Partnership & Relational Being

  • Couples are viewed as a relationship system, not just two individuals.

  • Emphasis on “relational being” over individual-centered mental health models.

  • Key ideas: the space “between” partners matters, and therapists are active participants in this dynamic.

• Personal Story: Harville & Helen

  • Shared their own journey from marital struggle to lasting connection using relational tools they now teach.

• Core Tools for Connection

  • Dialog: structured conversations that include talking, listening, validating, and empathizing.

  • Affirmations and humor are crucial to maintaining warmth and safety in a relationship.

  • These practices created real change in their own marriage.

• From Separation to Relationship Culture

  • Humanity is shifting from a culture of separation to one centered on relationships.

  • Therapists are key to fostering this transformation by modeling and promoting relational values.

  • The “relational brain” supports the biological foundation for connection.

• The Dallas Relationship Revolution

  • Launched a local relationship initiative beginning with 60 couples in a workshop.

  • Expanded through community support, clinician involvement, and translation access.

  • Explored ideas like requiring relationship education for marriage licenses.

• Therapists as Change Agents

  • Therapists can drive cultural change by focusing on relational systems, not just individuals.

  • Relationship-centered therapy could reduce societal issues like divorce, poverty, and violence.

  • Systems theory frames personal change as inseparable from cultural transformation.

• Vision for the Future

  • Imagine a world where relationships are prioritized in education, business, and policy.

  • Therapists act as “prophets” of this new culture—promoting equity, connection, and mutual well-being.

  • Ultimate goal: a society where equality and partnership are foundational values.