CC15 Workshop 10 - Marital First Responders: A New Way to Engage Communities of Support for Couples - William Doherty, PhD

Description:

People turn to friends and family long before they go to a couples therapist. Marital First Responders is a new training program for people who are natural confidants on relationship problems: people turn to them for support and perspective. Learn what the training involves, tune your skills in being a confidant in your own social world, and see if you’d like to teach this course in your community.

Educational Objectives:

1. Discuss key skills that confidants can learn to be more confident and effective
2. Identify the prevalence of confidants about marriage and relationship problems.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Workshop Setup and Purpose

• Interactive setup; focus is on community-based support, not therapy.

• Participants share diverse reasons for attending—supporting friends, lay counseling, cultural communities, etc.

Why Marital First Responders?

• Inspired by Mental Health First Aid, adapted to relationships.

• Aimed at “natural confidants” who are often sought out for advice.

• Grounded in research on social contagion—relationship behaviors spread through social networks.

Key Concepts

• Distinguishing hard problems (abuse, affairs, addiction) vs. soft problems (communication, distance).

• Role is to support, not fix—many confidants unintentionally harm with advice or judgment.

Common Mistakes by Confidants

• Fixing, taking sides, judging, dismissing, interrogating, etc.

• Workshop helps participants recognize these roles and practice empathy-based listening.

Advanced Support Skills (CAR)

• Challenge, Advise, Refer used only when someone is stuck or facing serious problems.

• Ask permission to give input; respect autonomy.

Self-Disclosure and Perspective-Taking

• Use brief, relevant self-disclosure to normalize or offer insight.

• Always return focus to the confider’s experience.

Practicing Skills (LEAP Model)

• Listen, Empathize, Affirm, Perspective.

• Role-play scenarios mimic real-life relationship dilemmas.

• Emphasis on confidence-building and realistic skill practice.

More Complex Scenarios

• Afternoon session introduces complications like emotional affairs.

• Confidants practice moving from empathy to gentle challenge without sounding judgmental.

Handling Emotional Boundaries

• Challenges include staying neutral, not over-identifying, and avoiding inappropriate advice.

• Emphasizes knowing limits and steering friends toward professional help when needed.

Real-Life Challenges and Strategies

• Role-play reveals difficulties in giving challenges or advice kindly.

• Participants share strategies like pausing, asking permission, and using curiosity-based questions.

Key Takeaways for Confidants

• Stay grounded in empathy.

• Signal when shifting from support to advice.

• Avoid “therapizing”; focus on being a safe, reflective sounding board.

• Maintain boundaries.

Practical Applications and Future Goals

• Aims to train community members to be effective support systems.

• Future adaptations for LGBTQ+ and African American communities planned.

• Online version in development to expand reach and accessibility.

Therapists’ Role and Self-Interest

• Program helps identify competent couples therapists and promote therapy access.

• Therapists benefit by having better-prepared clients and increased referrals.

Identifying Natural Confidants

• Participants often report becoming the “go-to” person for relationship advice.

• Program enhances confidence, relationship insight, and personal growth.