CC16 Keynote 03 - Sewing Partners Together: Techniques for Moving Couples Toward Secure Functioning - Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT

Description:

This one-hour presentation will demonstrate cross-dialogic and other strategic techniques for shepherding couples toward secure functioning, an attitudinal and behavioral expectation that couples operate as a two-person psychological system. Because the concept of secure-functioning is principle based and not personality based, the success of secure-functioning relationships does not depend upon attachment orientation. The presentation will endeavor to help the clinician utilize psychobiological strategies to help clarify partner attachment strategies, true desires, and unspoken agendas in couple therapy. 

Educational Objectives:

1. List at least five characteristics of a secure-functioning relationship.
2. Apply at least three interventions for moving couples toward secure functioning.
3. Differentiate and describe the difference between secure attachment and secure-functioning relationships.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction of Dr. Stan Tatkin

• Introduced as keynote speaker at the Milton H. Erickson Foundation Couples Conference.

• Known for co-founding PACT and authoring several books on couples therapy.

• Praised for blending psychology, technology, music, and strong collegial ties.

Tatkin’s Approach to Therapy

• Stresses two core tracks: understanding the problem and treating it.

• Accurate diagnostics are essential—treatment without clarity is ineffective.

• Uses three key questions in couples therapy: developmental history, true desires, and motivations.

• Advocates paying attention to non-verbal cues (skin tone, tension, breathing).

Narrative vs. Somatic Focus

• Humans are wired for narrative, but it can be misleading in therapy.

• Somatic responses (body signals) are often more truthful than verbal narratives.

• Memory is state-dependent and perception is often distorted.

Complexity of Human Relationships

• Relationships are more complicated than work; people often obscure the truth.

• Couple therapy is complex because it involves interacting nervous systems.

• Finding and amplifying pain helps build therapeutic alliance.

Secure Functioning in Couples

• Defined as mutual, transparent, and relationship-centered functioning.

• Partners act as experts on each other and protect the relationship above self-interest.

• Therapist's stance should model and support secure functioning.

Cross-Tracking and Cross-Questioning Techniques

• Cross-tracking: watching non-verbal responses of both partners.

• Cross-questioning: asking partners about each other’s state to foster care and insight.

• Cross-commenting/cross-interpreting help deepen understanding and alliance.

• Goal is to “catch people in the act of being themselves.”

Mindfulness and Therapist Presence

• Therapists must be highly mindful and physically relaxed to perceive subtle cues.

• Eye contact can spike arousal—use strategically.

• Construct scenes and experiences to help clients clarify identity and needs.

Deception in Therapy

• Deception is common; clients protect themselves emotionally.

• Therapists must detect deception through observation and strategic pressure.

• Non-verbal cues like facial expressions and body language are key.

The Therapeutic Process

• Therapy is about building complexity—not simplifying or subtracting.

• Repetition builds neural integration and emotional regulation.

• Vertical learning means revisiting core lessons repeatedly.

• Therapists support clients through distress until new pathways emerge.

Conclusion

• Reiterates importance of non-verbal cues, strategic techniques, and therapist presence.

• Encourages using methods like cross-tracking and cross-questioning.

• Invites audience to workshop for deeper skill development.