EP17 Speech with Discussant 07 - The Space Between: A New Way to Think About Couples Therapy - Harville Hendrix, PhD, Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD and Harriet Lerner, PhD

Description:

Reimagining couple hood as a partnership, rather than a competition, requires reimaging the "space between," rather than "the space within," as the target of therapy. This relocation of the locus of change requires reimaging therapy as a process that facilitates connecting more than self-understanding. This lecture will propose "being" rather than "knowing" as the foundation of the therapeutic process and connection and wonder rather than insight and self-knowledge as the outcome.

Educational Objectives:

1. Discuss the distinction between “being” and “knowing”.
2. Compare the “space between” to the “space within”.
3. Cite the basic historic shifts in the structure and function of couple hood.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Session Overview

• Moderator Helen Erickson outlines format: 60-min presentation, 15-min response from Dr. Harriet Lerner, 15-min Q&A.

• Lerner introduced as a renowned psychologist and author of The Dance of Anger.

Opening Remarks and Educational Goals

• Hendrix and Hunt introduce their concept of "Plurk" (play + work).

• Share personal journey in relationship therapy starting in 1977.

• Focus on shifting from an individual to a relational paradigm.

• Explore why couples fight and how relationships break down.

Historical and Theoretical Context

• Classical psychotherapy rooted in individualism and classical physics.

• Historical paradigms traced: Ptolemaic → Copernican → Relational.

• Influences: Descartes (rationalism), Darwin (competition), democratic values (independence).

From Freud to Feminist Psychology

• Freud’s early relational ideas and “talking cure.”

• Contributions from Jung (collective unconscious), Rogers (empathy), Bowlby (attachment).

• Feminist psychology emphasized mutuality and social context (e.g., Jean Baker Miller).

Quantum Mechanics and Human Connection

• Couples viewed as interconnected forms in a quantum field.

• Key principles: complementarity, unpredictability, connection.

• Focus on the “space between” partners as the core reality in therapy.

The “Space Between” in Imago Therapy

• Described as a real, ontological space where relationships live.

• Therapy aims to clear this space of negativity and fill it with safety, empathy, and presence.

• Curiosity and daily affirmations enhance relational energy.

Structured Conversations and Relational Skills

• Imago therapy uses structured dialog with sentence stems to guide communication.

• Key tools: scheduling conversations, eye contact, mirroring, validation, empathy.

• Therapists regulate the process to ensure safety and effectiveness.

Zero Negativity and Daily Practice

• Replacing criticism with curiosity is central to healing.

• Couples practice daily appreciations and caring behaviors.

• Spontaneous play seen as a key sign of a thriving relationship.

Summary and Vision

• Emphasis on cultural shift from separation to connection.

• Therapy as a tool for social transformation.