EP20 Clinical Demonstration with Discussant 03 - From Conflict to Connecting - Harville Hendrix, PhD ; Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD ; Daniel Siegel, MD

Description:

Behind all frustration is a wish not spoken. Most people express the frustration and not the wish—leading to conflict. This demonstration shows the process of converting frustration into a wish and making a request for a behavior change—leading to connecting.

Educational Objectives:

1. Discuss the concept of the desire embedded in frustration
2. Describe the Behavior Change Request Process
3. Facilitate the BCR Dialogue

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Session Overview

• Harville and Helen outline the focus: addressing childhood wounds in adult relationships through “safe conversations.”

• Christine and James Campbell, a couple, help demonstrate the dialog process.

• Emphasis on empathy, healing, and structured communication.

Childhood Wounds in Relationships

• Childhood wounds shape adult relationship behavior.

• Therapists can help couples identify and heal these wounds.

• Empathy and structured dialog create mutual healing.

Structured Dialog Process (Imago Therapy)

• Process involves mirroring, validation, and empathy.

• Christine and James demonstrate the dialog starting with appreciation and sharing childhood challenges.

• Physical connection reinforced through one-minute hugs.

Role Reversal and Continued Demonstration

• Christine and James switch roles to continue dialog.

• Christine shares her need to be asked about her feelings; James mirrors and validates.

• Hug reinforces safety and connection.

• Emphasis on the structure as key to emotional safety.

Audience Q&A and Discussion

• Questions about using the dialog method across different therapy lengths and contexts.

• Harville and Helen stress the importance of safety, predictability, and empathy.

• Structured process is adaptable and promotes emotional healing.

Final Remarks

• Harville and Helen thank participants and highlight the value of integrating multiple therapeutic methods.

• Closing Q&A session wraps up with expressions of gratitude.

Discussion on Hugging in Therapy

• Concerns raised about hugging, especially with clients who have trauma histories.

• Helen and Harville respond: hugs should never be forced; safety comes first.

• Hugging can be healing if introduced thoughtfully within a safe, dependable relationship.

• Dialog can be used to address discomfort around physical contact.

Encouraging Hugs Despite Anxiety

• Hugs can be transformative, even if they initially provoke anxiety.

• Repetition and duration matter for emotional impact.

• Dialog helps process resistance and allows safety to build.

Closing and Hopes for the Future

• Speaker thanks presenters and participants, hoping for post-COVID in-person connections.

• Ends with light-hearted farewells and shared anticipation for future hugs and gatherings.