CC16 Workshop 02 - Uncovering Deception In Couple Therapy - Stan Tatkin, PsyD

Description:

The psychobiologically oriented couple therapist understands that the intersubjective, phenomenological process operating in primary attachment relationships relies heavily on fast acting implicit memory systems. Because of this phenomenon partners in a relationship rarely know what they are doing or why, and so they confabulate meaning in the absence of real understanding. Additionally, partners in couple therapy maintain hidden agendas and use deception in order to protect themselves from loss. Therefore, it is up to the couple therapist to find out who partners are, what they really want, and what they are up to in the first or second session. In this workshop we will learn to accept deception in couple therapy is a part of normal human behavior while utilizing specialized techniques to help partners clarify themselves and their agendas in an effort to move them toward secure functioning.

Educational Objectives:

1. To be able to list at least four common behavioral markers of deception.
2. To be able to apply at least three interventions for bringing deception out into the open.
3. To be able to identify somatic markers that conflict with partner narratives.

*Sessions may be edited for content and to preserve confidentiality*

Outline:

Introduction and Focus

• Workshop from the Milton H. Erickson Foundation led by Stan Tatkin on deception and couple therapy.

• Emphasizes the PACT approach: integrating attachment, arousal regulation, and neuroscience.

• Highlights frequent miscommunication in human interaction and therapy.

Digital Frame Analysis and Communication

• Tatkin introduces digital frame analysis: slowing video to study micro-cues and misattunements.

• Therapy sessions are error-prone; video helps identify subtle non-verbal behaviors.

• Memory is unreliable—especially under stress—leading to misappraisals and narrative errors.

Detecting Deception

• Uses forensic-style questioning: topic switching, cross-questioning, and narrative tracking.

• Therapists should stay regulated, monitor arousal, and expect deception as a norm.

• Deception detected via body language, story inconsistencies, and affect mismatches.

Non-Verbal Tracking Tools

• Emphasizes reading facial expressions, breathing, muscle tension, and “tail wagging” (partner synchrony).

• Rolling chairs help therapists observe subtle physical dynamics.

• Videos are used for training—not shown to clients—to reduce misinterpretation.

Therapist Role and Attitude

• Therapists must model clarity and self-regulation, use plain language, and promote secure functioning.

• Techniques like hyperbole, surprise, and pressure can expose truths or somatic reactions.

• Strategic scenarios test assumptions and reveal vulnerabilities.

Therapeutic Techniques and Interventions

• "Corralling" questions help partners clarify themselves and expose patterns.

• Affirmation exercises focus on expressing irreplaceable value to each partner.

• "Hot-warm-cold" feedback used to gauge if affirmations land emotionally.

Vulnerability and Protection

• Encourages recognizing and affirming each other's emotional vulnerabilities.

• Partners are coached to express emotional strength even when feeling exposed.

Building Connection

• Focus stays on the couple—not individuals—to build co-regulation and deep connection.

• Cross-questioning and commenting increase attunement and shared understanding.

Repairing Betrayal

• Framework includes validating the victim’s feelings and eliciting remorse from the betrayer.

• Therapist supports healing without choosing sides, focusing on emotional regulation and trust-building.

Addressing Trauma and Injury

• Therapists assess for physical injuries and emotional impact.

• Scar visibility, body posture, and movement can signal unresolved trauma or pain.

Ethics and Video Recording

• Recordings are for research/training only; not replayed for clients.

• Informed consent is essential to avoid legal or emotional complications.

Handling Emotional Outbursts

• Therapists must remain flexible, responsive, and calm in emotionally charged moments.

• Repairing emotional ruptures quickly is part of secure-functioning therapy.

Video as Coaching Tool

• Playback used (privately) for therapist supervision and to improve intervention strategies.

• Can show clients their behaviors when used with care in live sessions.

Ending Therapy and Ambivalence

• Therapists don’t terminate relationships—set conditions that prompt one or both to decide.

• Narrowing focus in sessions helps bring unresolved ambivalence to a head naturally.